RANSVESTIA

courtship; my withholding of this information from her until after marriage was grossly unfair to her. It is a tragic error to assume that marriage can solve gender problems.

So much for the past. What of the future? Well, I hope to continue to grow as a husband and father, and insofar as a happy marriage will permit, to continue to find fulfillment as a part-time woman. I will. probably always be limited to once a month from a motel, spending less time on my transvestism than most men do on a hobby. But with careful planning much can be accomplished in those hours. And there will be more dreams, fresh hopes, new plans... but I must save these for another time.

Christianity places the responsibility for our actions squarely on the individual but gives a man a way out in Christ. In the final analysis I am responsible for my responses to my feminine desires. In Christ I have been able to experience a victorious life spiritually, yet hold my cross-dressing problem in perspective and under control. Many of you will scoff at this in today's moral climate where it is more popular to blame all one's problems on others or on society. Many have had no contact with Christ-centered Christianity and have turn- ed away in disgust from the pseudo-Christian churches that replace Christ's salvation and love with cold formality, heartless decency, proud self-complacency and highly esteemed external respectability churches that have no room for those like you and me.

As I've struggled these many years to handle my transvestism I've found strength and encouragement in the companionship with other Christians in a fundamental Bible-believing church where people don't cringe at admitting they are imperfect . . . sinners if you will. Even here the transvestite must exercise discretion and good taste since the average layman and the average clergyman are not familiar with the intracacies of gender disorientation any more than with the intracacies of the H-bomb. And in every church group, like in every group of transvestites, there are a few hypocrites.

So I draw spiritual strength from my fellowship among other Christians in our church activities, strength to help me along the dif- ficult path of a transvestite trying to maintain a happy marriage and home and still have a small but meaningful part-time life as a woman. My life may be tragic but I want it to be purposeful and I am willing to struggle endlessly to preserve a happy family life for those that I love.